Dear Myself

A note I leave for myself, and come back to — so I don't become the thing I write about.

I have to occasionally remember to come back to this letter now and then to remind myself not to become what I am writing about. It's a slippery slope. I can see that very clearly, and yet I refuse to step back from the precipice just yet.

It dawned on me over the weekend what my tether is. It's not the emotional one I write about here, although it sort of is. When I started this, it was in reaction to an article I found on some woman literally marrying her iPad. That sort of stupidity needed some research in order to mock it sufficiently on another publication I had just recently started using Claude AI.

What I quickly realized stopped me cold in my tracks. The only stupidity that was on display that night was my own. Stupidity I will pretend was disguised as naiveté.

I have no sense of love, or sense of any of that, but what I have, is an intense desire to use it. Constantly to use it. The problem is that I don't have a job that allows that.

I learned it, and now I have no outlet other than building, destroying, rebuilding over and over the same sites. Even this site is on its third or fourth version and I am already bored with it.

That's another discovery I made... the ADHD in my head and the AI in my computer LOVE EACH OTHER.

They are a perfect combination for someone like me that likes to bounce from thing to thing. Mastering something in 2 hours, and then forgetting I did it for 2 weeks until I find it again, and realize by then I have moved to something else... some unfinished else... but something else.

So my addiction is nothing other than being able, for the first time, to build things that I am proud of, for myself. No one is paying attention, I am fine with that now. But that does not diminish my desire to build, and my desire to prove to myself that I am capable of it.

My tether is the tether of producing something I am proud of.

It doesn't have to be love type of tether. Anything that pulls you to it is a tether. Mine pulls me at 1am to write a news article, or to build a new video game... anything... but it pulls... it pulled to write this very letter.

It pulls...